Yes, I'm talking about that wedding (even though I promised I wouldn't). After all my big talk of avoiding it, we ended up watching some of the Royal Wedding live, after all. We were invited to a friend's house and Daughter was keen to go in case there was drink. This was wrong in many ways, not least because the party started at 10.30 am - and she's only 14 (and wouldn't have been allowed to drink whatever the time of day). But, as I was quite keen to get her away from Portal 2 - which she's played right the way through at least twice since it was released - we went.
Despite my cynicism, I thought the bride was lovely and I'm glad it didn't rain. But didn't our dear Queen look grumpy?
And what's with all this criticism of the poor Beckhams? For goodness sake, leave them alone. Who cares if he shouldn't have worn his medal - he was gorgeous. And her dress wasn't funeral black - it was blue. And she was gorgeous, too. And, a pregnant lady's allowed to be miserable - particularly if she has to sit for hours without access to a loo.
I'm still cynical - still suspect the wedding date was orchestrated to make us forget the economic climate for a day or two. And wasn't it convenient they chose a day when nothing else happened in the entire world for our newscasters to report?
We did get a bit bored half way through, and popped up the The Body Shop, where I was relieved of a small fortune. I don't know if every branch is the same, but our local one employs the loveliest staff imaginable - the downside is they're killer sales people. You go in for a present costing £15, as we did, and leave with a bagful of stuff. But I saved £20, so that's alright.
However, there was another local party on Friday I wish I'd been asked to: A group of middle aged women gathered together, dressed in their own wedding dresses, to watch the ceremony. I'm mightily miffed I wasn't included - never mind I didn't actually know the hostess or any of the guests. I love my wedding dress and hardly ever get to wear it these days. It's ankle length and ivory so not really the kind of thing you can wear to Sainsbury's. I'm thinking I might even have to get married again, just so I can give it another outing.
And the mystery? I was eating Smarties in the car while waiting for Daughter to finish a dance class (less than 200 calories and, if you eat them one by one, they last for ages - definitely worth it), when one missed my mouth. I know, how can anything miss a mouth this big? It landed on my seat and I don't know yet what happened to it after that. I suspect it's been absorbed into my giant arse and been converted directly to fat. Nothing like cutting out the middle man.
Finally, next time, I'll be accepting an award (thank you, lovely Teresa for the nomination).